"That'll Be A Hole Then"

There’s a famous video that’s been doing the rounds on the Internet for years now, which I’ve included below, that we all – at some point or another – have giggled at.  Unfortunately, though, after this morning I have become all too familiar with the sensation that this poor girl experiences in the video.

Having spent the morning sorting out the cellar, getting my dray order ready and generally pottering about, I found myself standing at the bar talking to my window cleaner about the state of the economy, pubs in general and how I think a two-tier tax system should be introduced to charge more tax on alcohol sold through supermarkets and off-licenses than that sold through pubs, who offer supervised environments for people to drink alcohol in.

In an effort to demonstrate how much I feel about this situation, I stepped back to be able to take a dramatic pose – and disappeared through the open flaps that lead down to the cellar.

Paul, the window cleaner, says the moment was reminiscent of Wile E. Coyote as he steps off the edge of a cliff in pursuit of the Road Runner.  Apparently my eyes opened wide in realisation of what was about to happen, and then I vanished.

Bryony, my nineteen year old barmaid, could not help me as she was laughing too hard at the fact that rather than scream, shout, curse or simply burst in to tears, I just crawled back up the stairs from the six foot fall and said “That’ll be a hole then.”

And then I said: “bugger, my arse hurts.”  Mainly because it did.  And still does.

On further examination, it would appear that I caught my right buttcheek on the edge of the cellar hatch on my way down, and have subsequently removed a fair amount of skin from my bottom.  Savlon, which really does sting, followed by gauze to prevent the blood have been applied to an area of my bottom larger than my mobile phone and I now cannot sit down.

Still, professional as ever, I was swiftly able to recover my composure and went straight back to talking to the window cleaner about alcohol tax...

Personally, I blame Alistair Darling for my accident.