Ferrari and Alonso: the perfect partnership?

Fernando Alonso isn’t very good at keeping secrets, is he?

First, the story about him moving from Renault to McLaren for the 2007 season hit the headlines before the dust had even settled over the 2005 championship, and for the best part of this year rumours have been circulating that he’s off to Ferrari.

Well rumour no more – the announcement has been made today that Fernando Alonso will replace Kimi Raikkonen at Ferrari for the 2010 season, in a new three year deal.

As a life-long Ferrari follower, I have to say I’m disappointed.  I know that Ferrari have courted controversy on more than their fair share of occasions and that, with Michael Schumacher at the wheel of one of their cars, there have been plenty of occasions where it’s been suggested that there is some favouritism towards the Italian squad from the FIA, but still – why would any team want to hire Fernando Alonso these days?

In the past three years, the Spaniard has been at the centre of two of the biggest scandals to ever rock the world of Formula One.

In 2007, Alonso threw his toys out of the pram when he realised that Hamilton was getting the better of him and might even win the title in his first year of trying, and stories of blackmail, sabotage and racist slander followed.  It was enough to distract the two McLaren drivers enough from their day jobs long enough to allow Raikkonen to win the Driver’s Championship in his first year at Ferrari, having been ousted from McLaren by Alonso.

And this year it’s come to light that Alonso’s victory at the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix was nothing more than a sham, having been engineered by Flavio Briatore and Pat Symonds.

The 2007 McLaren incident saw the team fined heavily and their results excluded from the Constructor’s Championship, whilst the punishment meted out on Renault for race-fixing could have been far worse had team boss Briatore and Pat Symonds not fallen on their swords in an effort to save the team.   Alonso was even allowed to keep his victory, and broadcasters on the BBC were still calling him the 2008 race winner even when it came to light that, had Nelson Piquet Jnr not crashed his car deliberately at Turn 17, he wouldn’t have been.

And all along, Alonso has denied knowing anything about the race-fixing.  You could believe him, but after his temper tantrums of 2007, would you?

Ferrari and Alonso may be no strangers to bending the rules to get what they want, and the FIA might turn a blind eye to some of their tactics but, if they do, it’ll just end up leaving a sour taste in the mouths of Formula One fans the world over.

Formula One is a wonderful sport that has perfected the art of shooting itself in the foot time and again.  With the joining of Ferrari and Alonso, I hope it isn’t about to do it all over again.

Nice Pub. Nasty Tax. (From thepublican.com)

My latest Publican.com blog is now available here: http://www.thepublican.com/story.asp?sectioncode=16&storycode=65278&c=2

Today’s subject: a slightly ranty go at Gordon Brown for the proposed “Nice Pub Tax”!

To Sky or Not To Sky, that’s our question…

The following blog was originally published on The Publican’s website and can be found by visiting: http://www.thepublican.com/story.asp?storycode=65259

Can you imagine a pub full of beer-swilling football fans all staring at a screen through a pair of 1950's 3D goggles?

To Sky or Not To Sky, that's my question.

On the one hand, I'd quite like to be able to offer my customers the ability to watch Sky in the pub, but on the other Sky's pricing model is quite restrictive and could be the expense that tips my finely balanced cashflow scales in the wrong direction.

And I'm just a small village pub; the prices quoted to me are, admittedly, much lower than some I hear bandied about by other, larger, pubs, but they're still a large chunk of my turnover, with no guarantee that I'm going to get enough business through the door to even cover the cost of the service.

With finances getting tighter, pubs continuing to close at a faster rate than Kerry Katona's bank accounts and supermarket deals enticing people to stay at home and drink, Sky are going to have to do something drastic to keep their commercial business in place.

And they think they are, by offering loyal Sky Business customers exclusive access to their new 3DTV service early next year.  The idea is simple, at first glance: it's a great way for Sky to showcase their new service before they launch it on the domestic market, and it allows pubs to offer an extra dimension to their viewing customers.

Very interesting.

Except that a) the choice of words "loyal Sky pub subscribers" kind of intimates that if I were to be interested in taking the plunge and subscribing to Sky in the pub, 3DTV wouldn't be offered to me; and b) it will almost certainly mean an extra premium on the commercial subscription, a fee that doesn't appear to have been made clear yet.

I have domestic Sky in my home, yet I refuse to pay extra for the HDTV service because, whilst I don't mind paying for the hardware, I don't see the sense in paying an extra subscription for channels I'm already paying to receive.  Especially as I'm already quite happy with the picture quality.

The same goes for 3DTV.  If we're already paying through the nose for the commercial rights to broadcast the channels, why should we pay more to receive them again?

That's without the other costs incurred - 3DTV may seem like a great idea, if you wish to watch pornography in the privacy of your own home, but the technology only works if you have a new 3DTV television set, which won't be cheap.  That's another expense loyal Sky pubs will have to incur, and seems pointless if you're an establishment that uses a projector and screen to show footie in full size, not to mention irritating if you've just shelled out on a new HDTV.

And it's important to remember that, despite all the advancements in 3D technology and the recent flurry of fluffy 3D Disney films this year, you still need to wear glasses to get the full effect, even with your shiny new telly.  Can you imagine a pub full of beer swilling football fans all staring at a screen through a set of 1950's specs?

The image is laughable, and just gives the punters an extra missile to throw at your expensive new television in the event of their team not winning.

3DTV might work for some, but if Sky want to help the pub trade and grow their respective businesses they need to stop looking at gimmicks with expensive hidden costs and look at their current pricing structure.  Iain Holden, Managing Director of Sky Business, admits they have to look at the way they price and license their service and agrees that the current rateable value calculation is now unfair to some pubs - but they seem to be struggling to come up with an acceptable solution.

Perhaps they ought to look at the market they are aiming for in more detail.  Many of us would love to put Sky in, but the cost is either a) too prohibitive or b) the service is an unknown quantity: would it really bring in enough extra punters?

Committing to a service for a minimum of twelve months at full price is too much for a lot of us - if Sky would allow a shorter contract, such as three or even six months to allow us to evaluate the costs and benefits to our business, that would be palatable.  Or even a Pay-Per-View system where we could pick and choose sporting events that we know will draw in the customers, priced at something acceptable for one-off events.

Domestic customers get offered all sorts of deals and incentives to get them to sign up, or to stay if they're thinking of leaving; when I called Sky recently for a business quotation the girl at Sky was so inflexible she might as well have been an ironing board.

Throw us an incentive, give us the opportunity to try the service and see if it'll work for our business, make it more affordable for the smaller pubs.

Any of these would help sway me towards putting Sky in my pub.  But 3DTV won't, although I am trying to convince the wife it's a good idea for the bedroom...

Why Gold Medals Will Never Work In Formula One

Right up until the day before this season’s Formula One World Championship got under way, the FIA had implemented a new rule: the driver’s championship wouldn’t be decided by who had the most points, but by who had the most Gold Medals.

Podium positions would be issued with medals rather than trophies, with the rather obvious bronze for third, silver for second and gold for first.

And then all the teams moaned that it was unfair to change the rules without enough notice, and the FIA reverted back to the points system to decide the championship.  For this year, at least.

Bernie Ecclestone still wants to bring the medal system in for next season, but I have to say I think it would be a rubbish way of deciding the title.  It effectively allows a driver to win one race, crash the next, win the one after that, and then crash again, but if he wins enough races he’ll win the championship even if his main protagonist has remained much more consistent throughout the season.

And that seems to be being proven as we head in to the closing stages of the 2009 Formula One World Championship.  In Singapore this weekend, you could have argued that Jenson Button was doing his best to hand the championship to his Brawn GP team mate, Rubens Barrichello.  A poor performance in qualifying saw him qualify in twelfth place, while the two Red Bulls and Barrichello were much further ahead of him (not including Rubens’ grid penalty for changing his gearbox).

Indeed, had the Safety Car and Nico Rosberg’s drive-through penalty for speeding in the pit lane not occurred, it’s arguable that Jenson might not have scored any points, or would have at least conceded a big chunk to his main rivals.  But with these incidents and Mark Webber’s crash, Button found himself finishing in fifth place, just ahead of Barrichello and just behind Sebastian Vettel, giving himself a strong fifteen point advantage going in to the last three races.

But the title fight is still open – thirty points are up for grabs and Jenson Button’s recent form means it’s still possible for the others to catch Britain’s hope.  The title is Jenson’s to lose right now; he’s as good as got it in the bag if he can just keep scoring consistently, but there’s every chance that the fight for the Driver’s Crown could go to the final race of the season, in Abu Dhabi.

Ironically, though, if the FIA had got their way and introduced the medal system for this season, Lewis Hamilton’s victory yesterday would have guaranteed Jenson Button the driver’s title, as reported yesterday on the Autosport website.  With Lewis winning in elegant style under the lights, it prevented any of Jenson’s main rivals from scoring enough wins to match, or beat, his current tally of six victories.

Jenson Button might be the Gold Medal Champion, but he’s not the Driver’s Champion yet, but I’m hoping he will be.

And I’m hoping that Bernie and his mates will see sense and realise that points are still the only way to truly decide who is, and who isn’t, the Formula One World Champion.

Frustrations, Writing Pains, and a ticking off from Uncle Paul

I have to confess I’m quite frustrated with myself at the moment.

When I started this blog, the original intention had been to write a daily diary of things that have been happening in my life.  I once read a factual book by the novelist Stephen King, in which he said that if you wanted to be a writer you should write at least 1’000 words a day, even when you’re not working on a paying project.

It keeps your mind sharp, your literary skills together, and means that even if you are writing something rubbish, you’re still writing.

The beauty of blogging is that anybody can write about anything they like, without fear of an editor kicking them in the teeth (although sometimes the reading public can leave equally acerbic comments!) and so I’d planned to just write about something each day.

But it hasn’t happened.  Instead, this blog seems to have become a random repository for joke e-mails I receive and poorly thought out ideas.

Well, no more. (At least, no more joke e-mails; I can’t vouch for the poorly thought out ideas.)*

I like to write.  I write a regular blog for The Publican magazine’s website, but that’s obviously skewed towards the pub trade, and I post a regular Twitter page, too.  I want this blog to reflect my thoughts on life, politics, the fact that it’s like Spring in Autumn or just something funny that’s happened to me.  For example, last Wednesday we slept through the alarms, woke up at 8:30a.m. and that meant the kids missed the school bus.  So I dashed out to the car with them but when I pushed the Start/Stop button it wouldn’t start.  I pushed the button four times, to no avail.  Eventually, I got out of the car, slammed the door in temper and the engine fired up.

It was like something out of a Michael J. Fox movie, and would have made an amusing blog – but I didn’t write it.

And since the age of twelve, I’ve always wanted to write a book.  I even have a few good ideas and some great titles, but I’ve never done it.  Instead, I’m easily distracted and like to play driving games on my PlayStation 3 – much to the chagrin of my Uncle Paul.

But this morning, as the birds sing outside and there’s a feeling of a nice warm summer ahead, I’ve made a promise to myself: I’ll have a look at my novel ideas and see if I can make something of them.  And I’ll start writing this personal blog properly, too, with at least one entry a week (not a day!) on any random subject I can think to write coherently about.

Probably starting with why Jenson Button needs a great big slap before today’s race.

----

*I can’t promise not to post some of the e-mail jokes either, to be honest.  Some of them are quite funny!

Unintentional Double Entendres …

There are times when you just wish you’d kept your mouth shut… here are twelve of some of the finest double-entendre errors made by commentators.  They gave me a giggle this morning, so they should you too!

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. Murry Mexted, New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'